Who Am I?

That is the question, my mom has challenged me to answer. You think it would come easy. I am this or I am that, but I find myself staring at a blank page with no real answer.

Stupid me

From the beginning this man has been nothing but hurt, so why now that it's over, I am in pain, crying hurting. I did so much forgive, that I forgot to let go, now I have to finally let go. It's a good thing I know. I know I will heal, but right now I hurt.

Let Me Let Go

I don't get it. The hell this man has put me throw. The pain he caused me, and now he has found new love and it hurts like hell. I should be celebrating. I should be dancing, yet I sit at home crying.

I thought I had let him go. I really did, but this news has made it very clear that I haven't, so God, you haven't heard much of my prayers lately, but I am down on my knees with this one -- Let Me Let go. Please, let me let go.

I am Fine

Everyday, I get the question -- how are you doing?
I want to say:

1. I have a broken heart.
2. I am lonely
3. I feel like I am being constantly punished.
4. I hurt.
5. I am broke.
6. I am depressed.
7. I am lost.
8. I don't understand why God has forsaken me.
9. Some days, I want to lay down and die.
10. Some days, all I can do is cry.
11. I still love him.
12. I also hate him
13. I feel like a failure as a person.
14. Sometimes, I wonder if I am such a bad person that God feels like he must keep punishing me over and over again.
15. Sometimes, I would love a simple second without pain or worry.
16. I long for peace.

But each and every time, I am asked how are you? I plaster on my most perfected fake smile and say, " I am fine."

To say anything else would be saying too much.